White Washed Tombs

Once again, I am writing from this letter from the hospital. The up-and-down roller coaster ride of my condition continues. Saturday I went in for my regular dialysis.  After 1 ½  hours of dialysis my blood  pressure dropped to 75/53.  They stopped removing fluid and continued the dialysis filtering, but my top number could not get above the 80’s.  So they called 911, and I took my very first ambulance ride to the nearest ER.  It seems pretty easy these days for me to get admitted, not just to a room, but to the ICU. I am a fast tracker. I am getting very familiar with all the hook ups.  The IVs, the blood pressure cuffs, and the finger oxygen measurer.  I can attach my own telemetry now.  I actually know what color attaches to each terminal on my chest.  I have to remember that is not my vocation and I need to let the nurses do their jobs.   At night it’s like sleeping in a box of cables.

 

Many people have commented how good I look.  That is, relatively speaking.   What I mean is that I look healthier on the outside than most people who are in the ER.  I look healthier and act healthier than most people in the ICU.  But when you look at the numbers (the blood counts and tests such as the release of troponins that indicate possible cardiac muscle damage and low platelett counts) the inside view is very different.  I can’t help but think of Jesus speaking to the spiritually dead as “white washed tombs.”  Beautiful on the outside but dead or dying on the inside.  As the ER doctor said to me,  “You look good but you are one sick man.”  Well, doctors are brutally honest and I am glad they are.   I think pastors need to be as well.   We need to be reminded of the seriousness of our sin by the law in God’s word  in order to repent and cling to Christ.  This properly prepares us to hear the Gospel.  Christ forgives and gives to us His life.  The baptismal life is one of repentance and forgiveness, of dying  to sin and rising with Christ.   When the ER doctor found out I was a pastor by vocation, he confessed that he did not know how people without Christ could face what I am facing.  The truth is they have to, but it has no meaning or purpose and will more than likely cause them to be embittered toward God.  Before the ER doctor sent me to the ICU, he and two nurses prayed for my healing.  I also prayed for them and thanked our Lord for serving me through them, not only through prayer, but in the very competent execution of their vocations.   Thanks again for your continued prayers.